long time no post
I have so many half -typed blog posts that have never been posted it is quite ridiculous. Even so, I find myself so overwhelmed with life and change that I thought it was a good time to finally post something and actually click publish. Hopefully.
I love my last post so much since I was so happy and content. I wish I could have just paused and let it last a little longer. I'm still happy now of course but times of growth don't always seem like a vacation in a desert oasis... more like a walk in the desert with no water where the oasis seems too far away (which actually happened on the way back and tyler, mark, hannah, and I still joke about almost dying if that stranger hadn't given us a ride to our car hahaha).
Since then I've had the most amazing and tasking job of being a fifth grade teacher to some pretty amazing kids. Tomorrow will be my last Friday and then four more days. I've had moments of real joy teaching them about math and language and history and life. I've also had moments of absolute disappointment and anger just wanting them to be better and reach their potential. And of course the grading. Gosh it really sucks, I'm not going to lie! In the end though, I've loved being a teacher and look forward to doing it again someday.
Which brings me to the other thing that has happened. Our little girl who is almost here. We announced we were expecting and due with a girl on July 19th 2017. As if being a first year teacher wasn't hard enough, throwing pregnancy in the mix was kind of crazy! I was nauseous during the first trimester the whole time and I slept as soon as I got home from work. And then there was the ravenous hunger for anything that didn't make me sick like cheese, carrots, and fruit. My kids thought I was crazy and Tyler didn't know what to do with me haha. Through it all I manged to keep running and even ran a 10K! I found out why they call the second trimester the "golden trimester when the nausea vanished and I suddenly felt so much better! Then the kicks came. SO MANY KICKS. I think she might be a runner! They have been getting stronger ever since and it has been the best experience. At first I really struggled with the decision to stay home or continue to work as a full time teacher after a few weeks of maternity leave. I cried and prayed that I would get an answer. I always wanted to be there for my kids and teach them myself, but loving my job so much made the decision seem impossible. My answer was to stay home and I felt so alone in that decision. I knew it was right for some reason I didn't know. People questioned me since I have endless family members willing to babysit and watch; even Tyler wanted me to work. But I cried as I signed that resignation letter to teach till the end of May. Little did I know there was another surprise waiting for us.
Today I am 31 weeks pregnant at home alone facing one of my biggest challenges yet. Tyler got a job up in Utah that we couldn't turn down and he starts in a week. Right now he is up there looking for places to live and just like that, I feel so blind to the near future and unable to plan more than a few days ahead. It has been so hard to read articles and books and apps about what I should be doing. I should be making birth plans, painting furniture, setting up a nursery but who knows where I will be in a few weeks? Should I stay here and be more comfortable for the birth? Should I go up and make the move easier? Meanwhile, I feel my bump growing, and anticipation and anxiety seems to take turns in my head throughout the day.
BUT. I have something to say to all those who might still be out there listening.
I have a mantra that echos in my mind whenever I feel lost and too tired to deal with the confusion. "Replace fear with faith" (Dieter F. Uchtdorf). It's super hard to do but it's the only way I get through the mess that is life.
Since life is about to get a lot more exciting and I really am looking forward to this new adventure that Tyler and I (plus baby) are about to go on, I thought I should start blogging again. And I obviously need to post all my maternity pics somewhere other than Facebook because I like to think I'm cooler than that (haha end of the year sarcasm is so strong right now!). So, here's to a new chapter in our almost family of three and making a home in a place that this Arizona girl has no idea what to expect.
Anywayyyy, I just drank 2 cans of Dr. Pepper and really need to do some grading so thanks for reading, Peace.
Love,
Liv
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